I loved a Narcissist

First, let’s start with what makes a narcissist.

No one really wants to be a narcissist, however, their trauma, most likely formed in childhood or adolescence has created these behaviors and self-protecting mechanisms rooted in narcissism.

A narcissist is usually very charming, funny, life of the party, loves to be the center of attention, confident, and complimentary but underneath that iceberg of goodies lies a deep dark shadow and major inner child wounding.

Narcissist Wounding

A person who holds narcissistic tendencies is someone who did not receive a lot of attention when they were a child, they were often compared to another sibling, they were seeking approval or attention from their parents and perhaps didn’t get it. And they did everything to get it, from collecting trophies and being the star athlete to misbehaving, throwing tantrums, and sneaking out. They also don’t like to be told “NO” and have a problem with boundaries.

Their wounding may cast a shadow in the form of:

-       Gaslighting (making someone feel wrong or guilty)

-       Strong Jealousy

-       Domineering Personality

-       Competetive Nature

-       Emotional Manipulation

-       Repressed shame

-       Stress and anger

-       Arrogance (actually hiding low self-esteem)

What dating a narcissist taught me:

I dated a narcissist! As an empath, it was a deep, rich, and triggering relationship, it felt like a deep dive and reflection of EVERYTHING I needed to see; my own wounding, where I was people pleasing, where I was agreeable, where I was hiding, where I was leaking energy, where I did not speak up, where my own intuition was clouded, where my boundaries were crossed over and over again.

I loved him very much. Almost in an unhealthy way where I became codependent on him. I wanted to treat him well and make sure he felt good, and to the point where I was sacrificing parts of myself. My inner light and power were diminished by his boastful showmanship. He made me feel good and made me feel bad, and it’s really easy to make a wounded empath feel bad. It was a tumultuous dynamic.

Why do Narcissists and Empaths Tend to Pair Up at Some Point in their Lives?

The very core wounding of a narcissist and an empath are quite very similar, this is why often they pair together in a relationship. Something about them feels familiar and this attracts us to that person, we feel that connection but underneath it’s the wounding that feels familiar.

This can go one of two ways.

1.     You enter a relationship where your core wounds are triggering to the other. It is a relationship that drives the other to get trapped in unsupportive and manipulative tendencies. For example: a wounded narcissist will have a tendency to gaslight an empath, or an empath will constantly try to please the narcissist and have a lack of boundaries.

2.     You recognize this pattern and notice if this is something you still need to work on, or if you have growth through this dynamic. You then realize that you can either heal together through this wounding or decide that this is a dynamic you no longer need to partake in – this is where the healing happens.

Why I’m grateful for being in love with a narcissist.

It showed me EVERYTHING I need to heal within myself and it took me years. I will never regret a relationship, they are the closest and most direct mirror to us. They are our teachers, whether we want to admit it or not.

So since then, I have learned to:

- Embrace and master my empath qualities

- Create boundaries around my values and my energy

- Love me no matter what

- Take care of my inner child, my inner self who needs

- Never abandon me and what I know I deserve

- Ask for things

- Communicate better

A little Ho’oponopono Blessing for this experience:

So thank you, to my narcissistic ex, I’m sorry you had to experience life that built these destructive tendencies, please forgive me for any pain I might have caused you. I love you for the lessons you came with so that I could transform into the woman I am today.

We are all a tapestry of experiences that happen FOR us, and this was a part of my journey, and today I am grateful because I love ME and the tapestry that makes up who I am…the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the bits that are and had been wounded.

If you haven't heard it today! You're doing great! You are so loved!

Roxy